For the Formula Race Car of Penises
If I were a real doctor, I wouldn’t just recommend the Erectile Function Meter; I would use it!*
While working on your computer one evening, the thought strikes you, “When was the last time I had a really strong erection?” Sure, you have morning wood and the occasional accidental porn boner, but when was the last time you had a real erection that grew organically from simply being turned-on by a living breathing person? How would you know the boner was real and not just a semi-erect penis? Is the penis at the maximum hardness and performance? You can’t answer these questions because you have no idea what it means to have a high-performance penis. Big Pharma recognizes this problem and brings you the first Erectile Function Meter.
The Erectile Function Meter is a comprehensive, accurate assessment tool that determines the level penis performance. Having a high-performance penis isn’t just about size- although this is extremely important. A high-performance penis likens to a formula race, maximizing performance, firmness, and stiffness. The high-performance penis gets stiff on demand, pleases all partners with little effort, and is aesthetically pleasing to everyone. Long after you have expended your energy, the high-performance penis will reharden for more action.
The Erectile Function Meter uses the latest in boner science to provide an accurate assessment of your penis with a robust set of diagnostics designed to provide a complete picture of penis health, including a variety of penis health factors determinants:
· Penis size (girth to length ratio)
· Bulge ratio
· Stiffness quotient
· Boner readiness
· Pleasuring (oral, anal, and vaginal)
· Boner stamina
Our penis diagnostics can save you costly trips to the doctor by determining the need for Viagra or other penis enhancements.
You might be thinking, “My penis is fine. I get laid all the time and nobody complains.” You would be wrong. Did you know that 70% of girls and guys surveyed believed that having sex with their man was dissatisfying because his penis performance was similar to having sex with a sock containing a fishing weight?* Quit lying to yourself and admit you have no idea whether or not your penis performs optimally. Get the Erectile Function Meter and make sure your penis is healthy and high-performing.
Ladies, if you think penis health is important, then you might want to consider the health of your bum. Try our Gluteus Maximizer. Make sure your squat thrusts are maximizing ass size.
Brought to you by Big Pharma: Bringing you the really important products.
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*Survey results based on a sample population of 4 people not so randomly chosen.
*Photo by Usman Yousaf on Unsplash