Short Story

Lessons That Every Artist Needs to Know

Lessons That Every Artist Needs to Know

She sank down into one of the chairs laughing. She waved her empty beer bottle at me and I took it and went to the kitchen to get more beer. “It’s going to be a great night,” I thought as I made my way out of the kitchen with our beer. To my shock, I discovered Guitar Guy sitting in my beanbag. Amy shot me a look of astonishment as he began mutilating a Van Halen song.

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The True Danger of Marijuana

The True Danger of Marijuana

As we walked along, we smoked three joints between five of us. The day was bight and sunny and music permeated the air around us. A giant cloud of smoke rose above the throngs of deadheads who milled about and lounged in their own worlds, smoking weed, tripping, and sucking nitrous...

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The League of Extraordinary Trust Fund Babies

The League of Extraordinary Trust Fund Babies

I was in Calcutta, headed to a spiritual retreat, and I was being taxied in a rickshaw. I took notice of the man pulling me along the streets. I thought to myself, this man has never had the experience of traveling anywhere. How unfortunate that he has never experienced New York or Malibu. I was inspired to write books about the unfortunate less traveled.

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Make Earth Great Again

Make Earth Great Again

Goddamn inferiors and your short lifespans. Twenty-five thousand years ago, I signed a contract with Zug to lease humans the planet. That lease renews every 25,000 years. It’s now time to pay the rent or vacate. If you refuse to pay, then I will have to start the eviction process and in 60 days I’ll bring the Solar Sheriff and have all of you removed from the planet.

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Erectile Function Meter: For the high-performance penis.

Erectile Function Meter

The Erectile Function Meter is a comprehensive and accurate assessment tool that determines the level of your penis performance. Having a high-performance penis isn’t just about size- although this is extremely important.

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Term papers & Porn: Writing for the Lazy & the Socially Moronic

Term papers & Porn: Writing for the Lazy & the Socially Moronic

Bill was kind of a lunatic, but he seemed to have it made as he fucked waitress after waitress while blowing coke in his office upstairs. He stood in the doorway watching me work. He looked exhausted from what I was sure was a night of debauchery. In that moment, he pointed at me and said, “Son, you’re going to do well in this world. Just remember that if you do the work that other people don’t want to do, you’ll make a fortune.”

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