I was young.  It was in the summer before first grade.  I was sitting in my house and my neighbor came over looking to borrow some tool from my dad.  He was older than me, around seventeen or eighteen. I looked up to him because he was always nice to me and he was funny. I tried to help him, but I really didn’t know what he was looking for, so I went back to watching TV.  After a while of his searching in my father’s tool room, he appeared next to the couch where I was sitting and asked what I was watching.  It was a Lost In Space rerun, I related to him.  He sat next to me on the couch and started horsing around wrestling with me.  This was normal activity with us.  Where we lived in the country there were very few kids my age, and the few that were around lived quite a distance.  He was also the only older kid that didn’t treat me like I was an intruder.  I really thought that he was my friend.

I felt his hands touching me.  I didn’t know what was happening.  I just went along with his antics.  I felt him pulling my clothes off. I didn’t know what to do.  I was scared.  After a few minutes I was naked, and he had his pants down.  He pushed my head between his legs and demanded that I put his penis in my mouth.  I did it.  After a while of this, he turned me over on the couch and tried to force his penis into me.  I laid there in pain as he repeatedly tried to force himself into me.  I laid there vacantly as he relieved himself on my backside.  I laid there absent of the world.  He told me not to tell anyone or he would never be my friend.  He told me that we were just having fun and that this is what older kids do.  I didn’t believe him.  As young as I was, I knew he was lying. But I was already consumed in the shame of the wrongness of the act. That was the first of many times that this rape would take place.  It did not end until shortly after the start of first grade.  But that first time, when I vowed to him my silence, I surrendered my soul to lies. 

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