Reader Warning Label

A Reader Warning Label

Sunday, July 25, 2021

Please don’t read…

If you never considered equality’s importance and feel a grind of annoyance when people say, “Black Lives Matter” or watching Asians protest on TV, then please proceed no further. A sudden sense of rational thought might induce hysteria when realizing your self-righteous claim “all lives matter” is based on a ridiculous assumption of all the Blacks and Asians banding together to offend you. Worse yet, death could occur in the sudden reversal of mindless logic that deduces “Black and Asian Lives Mattering” means “my life not mattering.” Please read no further.

If you think in terms of “right” and “wrong” lacking nuanced understanding of issues, such as forcing women to have babies even if the child is the product of rape, then immediately stop reading. Learning your one-dimensional mind cannot conceive more than one aspect of a subject might cause you to self-abort. Please, please stop reading.

If your ass tightens in disgust at the mere mention of homosexual, bisexual, or any term with the root word “sexual,” please stop reading. The sudden realization of sexuality not measuring a person’s worth and having no impact on society beyond what you force upon others may cause cardiac arrest from free-thinking shock or sudden understanding of latent desires. Please stop reading immediately.

If you think forcing people to pay for necessary medicine and medical treatment makes you and America great by excluding the poor, sick, and jobless, please stop reading. The sudden realization that capitalism doesn’t work for everyone, maybe even you, may cause dizziness or convulsions. Please, turn away and stop reading now.

If you think in any of the above-mentioned ways and read this far without experiencing symptoms but remain resolute in these convictions because you believe Jesus elevates you above everyone else, (and let’s be honest, how could you not feel superior since you believe you’ve been saved and everyone else needs to adopt your beliefs to be saved), you definitely need to stop reading. Sudden clarity to you being a bigoted, racist, classist piece of shit hiding behind the Christian Conservative cloak may cause self-immolation in a struggle to figure out how you could have been so wrong.

For the love of God, please stop reading!

If you made it this far, you’re probably not a piece of shit, so please continue reading. Thanks :)

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